Older couple in a disagreement

Expert tip: How do I handle confrontation?

Society often portrays self-talk about women as aggressive or overly emotional, which makes us wary of setting limits or expressing our needs. over here, our experts Share some easy ways to handle a confrontation and stand up for yourself with confidence.

Get to know our expert team

  • Barbara Butcher author The power of positive confrontation He is a business etiquette and communications coach. Learn more through Pachter.com.
  • Margie Warrell, Ph.D., author I’ve got this! The power of self-confidence to change your life, He is an international speaker on courage in leadership.
  • League Cameron, LICSW, He is a Certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapist and the author of the new book why did you do that? more in MetroWestTherapy.com.

Know what gets in your way

Expert Barbara Butcher reveals: “One of the main reasons we avoid confrontation is because we fear hurting someone’s feelings.” “But the truth is, most people who care about you will understand that.” Another reason is that we don’t feel like we own truly to say something. “Of course you do! It’s just the way you say it, gently but firmly.” Finally, we fear what might happen. “Just choose your conversations carefully – if something offends your values, you’ll probably say something worthwhile.”

Focus on intentions

Simply paraphrase the loaded word “confrontation” into “critical conversation,” advises expert Margie Warrell, Ph.D. “Ask yourself, What is the ultimate intent of this conversation? – Perhaps you would like to provide someone with feedback or set stricter boundaries,” she says. It is also important to ask yourself, How will this help the other person? “When we gather the courage to face a problem, we give the other person a chance to improve themselves and your relationships.”

Practice for success

Before broaching a difficult topic, calm your nervous system and de-stress by taking a few deep breaths, encourages expert Dore Cameron. “Once you are relaxed, remind yourself of that Can Deal with this, and mentally rehearse your conversation.” To do this, identify a specific change you want the person to make, adds Butcher. “If your friend is always late, for example, you might ask her to call you from now on if she’s running late.” Just visualizing a positive outcome is fundamental to your success.

Cue softening phrases

Extend the person’s invitation by saying, “There’s something I really want to talk to you about, ideally in person. Is that okay?” Warrell suggests. This helps you gain their trust and have a deeper discussion. Then he opened with kind-hearted “soft phrases,” Bachter adds. “You might say, ‘I know you mean no harm but…’ or ‘I’m sure you’re not aware of that…’ It’s very hard for people to respond defensively when we’re respectful.” This strategy is polite yet powerful, and speaking Big difference.”

Share the facts

Warrell notes that it helps to stay as objective as possible. Put the facts first, as in, “Yesterday, I said so…” or “Last week, I forgot…” Then move on to how these actions affect you. For example, you might say, “I can’t help but feel frustrated.” or hurt or frustrated.” Then invite them to share their point of view: “I really want to understand how You are look at this. “

be honest with you

In the end, we are only responsible for ourselves. “Be careful not to let the other person’s actions dictate yours,” Warrell says. “Determine the time you want to talk and make sure you are in the correct head and heart area.” And if they get upset, it’s okay to ask for a time-out. “Being kind to yourself will ensure that you have meaningful conversations that improve all of your relationships.”

This article originally appeared in our print magazine, Woman world.

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