Caroline Hacks: Expecting a Baby and Spooky Marital Input on Weight

Caroline Hacks: Expecting a Baby and Spooky Marital Input on Weight

Dear Caroline: My husband and I are expecting our first baby in February. After a little shopping, I finally have a doctor that I love and am less concerned about the many health issues I had before and during this pregnancy.

My husband asks for details of my appointments, and I find I instinctively annoyed. I don’t want to tell him how much weight I’ve gained or what the doctor recommends about diet or lifestyle. I’m not doing anything “wrong”, I just don’t want to be watched, even lightly. And my husband isn’t the boss, but he’s a relatively healthy Joseph.

He feels closed off when I don’t tell him how the dates went, but I have a strong sense of privacy around them. Is this strange? May I keep OB appointments private for my husband?

expected: “observer”? “Permissible”? what. There is no “health” in commenting on the weight gain or diet of an unwanted pregnant husband, only “walnuts”.

And withholding appointment details from your spouse may technically be your prerogative, since that’s your body and your business, but 1. If there’s a conditional problem, abstaining just puts your account with that ailment, and 2. If there’s no police problem, you’re You are depriving your spouse of one of life’s most exciting and intimate experiences for reasons he may not understand.

Let’s go back for a second. Weight and diet suggestions aren’t just parts of OB appointments that say, “Join me!” At least not for anyone without an unhealthy preoccupation with the mother’s body. (This could include the mother herself, by the way.)

I speak from experience here. Any shared or shareable appointment details were related to health, progress and any perceived concerns. My weight was between me and the midwife and every beholder’s eyeballs, so anyone who gave a fig Newton flying around the actual figure would get nothing from me except for my involuntary what’s wrong with your face.

I’d say anyone pointing out my food choices took their life in their own hands too, but it’s all just speculation because no one asked. Because, seriously, who does that? If I had serious health problems, then I would have empowered my people to ask questions.

So what I want to know – and you need to know, towards your emotional health – is the source of your reflex suppression. Do you swing from something in the past, or from your current partner? Who has gotten so into your body that trust is no longer an option?

The elephant in this room is not you. It’s the thing you interact with. If it’s your husband, get that in counseling, only you, the case. If there is a history here and your husband’s health awareness is causing it all, please explore that by consulting with him.

In either case, and especially if counseling is futile, discuss it with your obstetrician. Admit it and deal with it, please, because your well-being is already damaged, and your child’s will before you know it. Growing up amid parental tensions around food and body image leaves a uniquely difficult mark to erase.

Meanwhile, your spouse either needs help he’s not getting because of a police or control issue that will (rightfully) cost him his family, or he needs help understanding your history so he’s a better partner in integrating him. I’m sorry that this falls on you. But this is important, and it won’t go away by your due date, so put it on your plate now.

#Caroline #Hacks #Expecting #Baby #Spooky #Marital #Input #Weight

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