Ask Amy: I Didn't Communicate Fast Enough With My Sad Boyfriend

Ask Amy: I Didn’t Communicate Fast Enough With My Sad Boyfriend

Dear Amy: A childhood friend of nearly 50 years recently lost a child to suicide. We usually only call each other on our birthdays, and I haven’t seen her physically in nearly 20 years.

I have suffered most of my life with PTSD from the trauma of sexual assault when I was 17 years old. I didn’t really start to recover until my current doctor diagnosed me and referred me to a specialist for treatment.

Suicide always sends me into a dark place, because it has been riding my shoulder for so many years. My friend did not inform me personally; Posted the news on Facebook.

I saw that she was receiving a lot of support, and I couldn’t bring myself to call her.

Months passed, and instead I wrote her a letter apologizing for my lack of communication, and also expressed my knowledge of the grief I felt for her in dealing with her tragic loss.

You did not contact me. I feel guilty for my reaction to her loss. I usually reach out to people who have lost loved ones in time.

She’s had a rough life, but in the past 25 years, she’s remarried and has taken life off the trumpets and done well.

However, I am now finding peace just because I finally receive proper treatment. I procrastinated because of my selfish (?) fears of my own instability.

selfishness: Your shyness has sent you into a spiral of self-punishment. Now that you’ve addressed your own behavior, you really should stop making this your own.

You have no way of knowing how this tragedy affected your friend. You should assume she has received, read and appreciated your thoughtful remark, but this type of communication doesn’t ask for a response (sad people can’t always reply), so don’t think the ball is in her court.

You should call your girlfriend, even if it’s not her birthday. Don’t keep apologizing or explaining your reaction to her child’s death. It does not refer to the trauma you experienced. Simply tell her she is still in your everyday thoughts, and ask her how she is. Then listen to her with deep affection. If she doesn’t want to talk about her loss, move on to other topics that she traditionally discusses.

Dear Amy: Recently, my dear long-time friend was staying with me as a guest for five nights at an expensive resort.

She used to have drinks and snacks throughout the day.

I, on the contrary, keep a close eye on what I eat and always politely decline to ask for anything when you ask.

Last week, she told me how impolite it is for me to never eat anything while she’s doing this, because she feels she shouldn’t eat “alone”, and that makes her not enjoy her food.

She was shocked, but politely checked and reminded her that I am not rude but simply do not eat between meals. (She knows it all too well.)

She kept trying to get a different response from me.

I was hurt and felt like she was treating me as one of her children or co-workers, or as her husband.

I let it expire and had no further response.

Did I need to respond by saying that I watch my weight and not eat or enjoy unhealthy buns and that way stray all day or explain a health issue?

Do I have to order something (just to throw it away) so my friend doesn’t eat alone?

I don’t want to be impolite, wasteful or scold, and I don’t want to lose my friend.

annoyed: You don’t need to snack with your friend to be polite. You also don’t need to internalize her bullying and scolding her.

Dear Amy: “no plateShe complained because the dental hygienist spoke to her using what appeared to be ‘baby talk’.

As my mid-30s, I can’t remember spending much time with older adults who don’t have some kind of dementia.

Unfortunately, it has a huge role in my life, my family and my social circle.

This may also be the case for a hygienist.

I was there: I’m sorry about your own experience with the elderly, but you also need to get out more.

Baby talk isn’t necessary when dealing with someone with dementia (which this writer doesn’t have).

© 2022 by Amy Dickinson Distributed by Tribune Content Agency

#Amy #Didnt #Communicate #Fast #Sad #Boyfriend

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.